Creatures most hideous

To the Honourable Gentlemen of Horseguards
Your Lordships

It is with heavy heart that I write this report to you from my own camp bed, recovering as I am yet again from a most deleterious confrontation with beasts most foul. You will no doubt see from the deterioration in the quality of my penmanship that I am much aggrieved by our most recent battles.

Having recovered from our meeting with the tribespeople and their ferocious beasts, the subject of my last dispatch, in which we drove these fierce peoples from the field despite their rough treatment of me and my loyal bodyguard, we proceeded to continue our advance inland. Four days we advanced, in jungles through which our progress was measured in yards per hour. The men's consumption of water far outpaced the ability of our supply caravans, and by jove those poor fellows dropped like flies from heat exhaustion.

On the fifth day, we decamped once more and had only been on the trails for less than an hour when we came across a plain on which were deployed beasts so terrifying that it took all of our efforts to steady our most steadfast of men. There before us lay arrayed creatures so hideous that even our worst nightmares might never have prepared us for what we were about to face.

Caruthers' forces advance from the right, the spider hordes are deployed on the left 

Indeed there were creatures so monstrous, half woman, half spider, spiders of such size as to dwarf the very man himself, and scuttling hordes of spiders that made the very skin crawl. And from the entire host arose a noise the like of which we had never heard before.

The Spider 'host', their God seen off table awaiting the right 'call' to summon him

Caruthers' forces, with the enhances aerial forces arrayed on his right.

Immediately the purpose of the strange noise became apparent, as a God like man appeared, of such size as to spread tremors through the very earth with its every step.

The Spiders' God (Spiderman) appears, as the first PIP die roll is a 6

Caruthers advances his line, with a 1 as the first PIP die roll

Spiderman swoops across to the rear of the British line

I ordered Lord Chelting and his supporting flyers to attack, and he flew straight into the hordes of small spiders.

The flyers hit the Spider hordes

Crash Bash.. but the hordes all hold

Spiderman hits Caruthers in the rear.. 

Damned bad form, old man., attacking a chap from behind.... eh wot?

Caruthers is recoiled from the God's attack

Having held off this damnable God fellow, my blessed hero nephew Lieutenant Winstanley came to the rescue and threw himself, yes threw himself,  at the God.

Winstanley (a Hero) hits the God

The behemoth, and the Spider hero general ,advance

The flyers realise that hitting the hordes was not the best idea.. they are bogged down in the mire of the hordes

The God hits back at Winstanley

The remainders of the two lines clash, on the British left

At this point I threw myself at this God Chappie too, to aid Winstanley in his valiant fight.

The flyers now overflew the hordes, in order to break off and get to the real action

The God bounces back both Winstanley and Caruthers

A most dreadful tussle develops between the hideous spider woman and their Hero general, and the British mounted Riders

Before my very eyes, the God threw himself at Winstanley..

And I watched Winstanley fall before the onslaught.

Winstanley the hero is beaten by the God, and with insufficient room to recoil, the stand is eliminated

 It was with desperation and hope in my heart that I watched as the God overran Winstanley and his gallant crew.. I could but hope that I might distract the God for long enough that my dear nephew might be able to drag himself clear. A unit of our sharpshooters advanced to try to keep the God occupied.

The battle with the riders, and one unit of blades  on the British left flank continues

The British flyers manage a massive wheel in order to try to get back to support Caruthers, but do not have sufficient move to get beyond the hordes. They find themselves trapped in the control zones of the spider hordes

With aerial help so near and yet so far, Caruthers is attacked by the Spider Hero General

The God eliminates the shooters, and more importantly is now free to turn attention to the main battle

Caruthers fights off the Hero general

I now found myself fighting off both the massive spider hero general, and the God... by Gad Sirs, this was dire indeed.

But the God joins the fight

At this point in time I once again found myself beaten most severely, and it was only by the sacrifice of my own loyal Guards that I was able to escape, all of us with much personal injury.

Caruthers' stand is eliminated, and so the battle is lost 

At this point in time my troops executed a most commendable and orderly fighting advance back to our starting positions. We were able to rescue poor Winstanley, albeit in a most aggrieved condition, while I myself sustained considerable injury once more.

I regret to inform your Lordships that several of the units of men that we deployed came to a most unpleasant end, under circumstances not at all advantageous to our glorious British forces.

We expect to resume the advance once more in the near future.
I remain, Sirs, your most obedient servant
Major General Sir Chelmswood Reginald Augustus Piers Caruthers

General Caruthers becomes indisposed

To the Honourable Gentlemen of Horseguards
Sirs, I have the honour to report to you that following our work to sweep aside the piratical hordes of Guayabo, we advanced into the depths of the misty jungles. On the second day, our advance brought us onto a swampy plain on the far side of which was a host the like of which we have never seen in our times. For there arrayed before us were savage tribesmen of a particularly horrid demeanour alongside beasts that we would have thought to be solely the product of a deranged artist in a child's book.

They came at us at a trot, the roar of beasts a terrifying accompaniment to the horrific cries of the wild men (if men they proved to be).

The Lost Worlds forces advance against the British line.  Incantations rose abocve the cry of battle as the tribesmen hoped to raise the Ape God to come to their aid.

Sirs, I sent Lord Chelting of Cheam deep behind the enemy line in his fantastical flying machine, in the hope that an assault from behind would be enough to unseat the cursed foe.

Chelting and his flyer (aerial hero) can be see top left as the lines approach

The line clash, the warband are thrown back. Chelting has attacked the pterodactyl flyer, sending it plummeting to the ground

Chelting ... good man, that!!

The enemy came at us again, and at this point I fear that I must report a most unfortunate event in which the glorious boys of my very own bodyguard were brought down around me. To their credit their dying act was to throw their bodies atop me protecting m form the ravages of the horrendous barbarian horde.

The warband general hits Caruthers (blade).. a 1 rarely ends well against a 6, Caruthers blade stand is eliminated

The giant dinosaur behemoth batters against another blade unit, 

Lieutenant Winstanley ( a damned fine hero, that boy) pushes past the behemoth to allow a shooter unit to take the behemoth in the flank, but the behemoth beats them back

They go in again, and a second blade until is eliminated, again on a 1 and a 6

In the next turn Winstanley attacks the behemoth, and again the British are cursed with a 1:6 die result against them

A warband unit attacks Doctor Morgenstein and his amazing machine- he has been hurling his magic wherever he can

The warband is driven off

Lord Chelting swoops in to attack a band of enemy magicians who have been trying to cast their own spells over the British troops

Chelting is driven off, and the magicians try to bespell him again, without success. Winstanley goes into the behemoth once more

Once more the curs eof the 1vs6.. Chelting is brought down by the magicians

The warband are driven off again by Dr Morgenstein

Magic courses through the air, 

A unit of British blade sweep onto the flank of the warrior magicians, supported by a unit of British shooters...

There's nothing quite like British steel to do the business.. they certainly don't like it up 'em, the magicians are eliminated, and the battle is won

Despite my own inconvenience I can report that we finally broke the spirit of these cursed men and beasts. I can assure your Lordships that I am well recovered from my own regrettable indisposition, but mourn the loss of so. many of our brave lads. We plan to push forward into the very interior of this place on the 'morrow.

I remain, Sirs, your obedient servant
Major General Sir Chelmswood Reginald Augustus Piers Caruthers

The Memoirs of Major General Sir Chelmswood Reginald Augustus Piers Caruthers

     “Balderdash. Rot and balderdash Godley”. How many times had I had to remonstrate with Godley about wasting my time so. Here was I on campaign and he had me signing his damnable pieces of paper. Yes, damnable paper I tell you. Paper for meat, paper for flour, paper for potatoes, even would you believe paper for underwear, oil and coal. The entire army these days seemed to me to be running on paper. What sort of campaign was this going to be if I had to waste my time thus. That day alone I’d counted– forty seven times he’d had me sign my name to one of his damnable forms. How the army had changed since my early days. Rules, regulations and forms seemed to be the basis of campaigning these days. I can categorically say that there was not a form to be seen when my division defeated the army of the Chaos Lords in ’62, and nor was there any paper involved in my fight to the death with the giant ape on the island of Coltrau.
     Why, a man couldn’t even slap a common soldier in the face for impertinence any more. But forms were the reason that commanders have people like Godley on their staff. Thank goodness Godley was there to take care of this administrative nonsense. It did mean that, apart from signing his damnable pieces of paper, I could continue to focus my mind on conquest and extension of Her Majesty’s Empire.
     To that end five weeks we had sailed, five weeks of rolling seas and creaking tackle, shouting seamen and seasick soldiers. But worst of all five weeks of the company of that interminable bore Admiral Mainworthy. How could Horseguards have even considered putting such a naval task force under the command of a man with no independent means other than his Naval salary and an allowance from his father? No lands, no family estate, indeed nothing. Why the man’s father was a mere Foundry owner, dirty money I say. The man could barely keep an adequately stocked pantry, and wouldn’t have known a decent Claret if it stood up and bit him. The only saving grace of the entire voyage was the company of the fine Doctor. I refer of course to Dr Eustace Jackson, inventor of what we had come to call the Zap gun, a fine piece of artillery guaranteed to fry the brains of any soldier caught in its deadly rays. I had had the opportunity to host dinner in my own cabin once a week during the voyage, and I was always sure to offer an invitation to the fine Doctor in addition to my own officers. The only awkward thing was that I was obliged to invite the unadmirable Admiral each week. The man must have had some social graces I suppose because he had the good grace and manners to decline my invitation on more than one occasion.
     And so it was that I found myself on the shores of Guayabo in the Cathay Sea signing forms. The first day had been occupied with the landing of The Queen’s, 53rd and Wexfords, Usher’s Mounteds, and our splendid new fighting machine ‘Goliath’ although there was a deuce of an amount of coal having to be brought ashore to feed her hungry furnace.

Caruthers campaigns on Guayabo

"Righto Caruthers.. the ol' home morale a bit low, you know what? So.. we need a bit of bally morale boosting. Need a few runs on the board, old chap". Horse Guards had. away with a chap after a few years, even a Field Marshall. But fancy office or not, there was always room for a glass of port, even at 9 am in the morning, and the Field Marshall grabbed the decanter and sloshed a generous measure into each of two glasses.
"Indeed we do sir" and Major general Caruthers reached for the glass offered from the Feld Marshall's left hand.
"Cheers, old man"
"Cheers Sir" and a brief silence was accompanied with a few brief slurps, and the delicate forefinger brushing of moustaches.
"So,  Cabinet wants you to head out to the Indies, beat up a few pirates and beasts, capture an island or two.. as I say, runs on the board old man."
"Ah indeed sir, sounds like a spot of damned good fun is in order then."
"Yes yes, quite Caruthers. So head off as soon as you can, will you?. Me clerk Bannister has got a manifest for you.. you know how those bally supply chappies are .. troops, ships, food, that sort of thing. Bally clerk wallahs seem to be fixated with their bits of paper, but we have to humour them, eh wot?"
"Jolly good sir." and a little port dribbled from the corner of Caruthers' mouth.
"Oh and.. that nephew of yours, Winstanley.. take him along, there's a good chap."
"Ah excellent sir, I certainly shall." Glasses were emptied, a peremptory salute was offered and taken, and Caruthers walked from the room.


The beaches of the island of Guayabo, stronghold of the infamous pirate Sally Stein,  lay before the task force. Activity could already be seen on the shore, with what appeared to be a galleon airboat rising above the swaying palm trees. Caruthers had brought a part of his force ashore, but the royal air navy had yet to get its ships ready for action, so his forces would have to tackle the pirates assembling along the shore with no air support.

Caruthers leads his forces forward, a clanking steam robot in support, and th wicked Doctor setting up his machine behind the tr=oops

Sally Stein, one of the most infamous pirates of the region, caught by surprise, had assembled those of her maties as she could muster.

Incantations and rum were offered to the pirate Gods in the hope that they would favour Sally as they had so often in the past...

The forces advance

Sally rushed her warbands forward, but rather unexpectedly Caruthers ordered his own forces into contact quick smart

The lines saw a lot of pushing and shoving, the Lancers breaking through against a drunken pirate horde. The wicked Doctor wound up his machine and magic drove a warband back

The sirens tried to weave their magic against the lancers but to no avail, these lads were made of sterner stuff

The galleon sweeps around onto Caruthers left flank

Caruthers continues to attack the pirate warband

Sally is driven back by the Doctor's magic

But Sally's warband pushes the British marksmen back, and fights off the lancers

The steam robot os driven off, but the airboat swoops in to the attack

The warbands have destroyed the marksmen, and come face to face with the Doctor

The Doctor attacks the warbands, confident in his success when supported by the lancers but, woe is me, the Doctor has to be ragged injured from the field (the 1 vs the 5!!)

This is not looking good for Caruthers' first battle of the campaign.. what will this do for public morale back home?

The airboat pushes the unit of marksmen back

While Sally's other warbands are otherwise engaged, Caruthers pushes forward to confront Sally herself, with his infantry and lancers in support

Sally is vanquished with Caruthers' own cold steel

Sally's remaining warband hit Caruthers from behind, just not b***y British, eh wot?

The airboat destroys more of Caruthers' marksmen

Caruthers drives off the attack, the Sirens are destroyed, and the pirate army is defeated.

So ended the first battle in Major General Caruthers' adventures as he sets out to conquer the island of Guayabo. This was a 24 point HotT (Hordes of the Things) game played solo (my first solo HotT game, planned as a series of games which will document Caruthers' campaign of conquest.

Oh, and .. where was Winstanley? Well, officially covering the right flank... nudge nudge wink wink.  But let's just say a little cleaning of his trousers was in order. Perhaps next time eh old chap?

Watch for more action as Caruthers makes his way across Guayabo